Learning Curve

I am really sick of screwing things up! I have a learning curve the size of a TIDAL WAVE!! I keep trying to tell myself that I will get better, but sometimes I sincerely wonder if I just have good people skills and am actually a really crappy designer.

Today I had the assignment of delivering accessories to a client's office and assisting his maintenance man in hanging shelves and art. I royally screwed up two canvas pieces by spacing them apart on the wall instead of clustering them together on one side. I should have remembered this is how my employer wanted it since I have gone with him several times to assist with art installations. Somehow my bran managed to turn off, and I messed up again. It was only after I walked proudly out of the building with my head held high thinking about how I am one tiny step closer to becoming the fabulous designer I dream of being that a strong and bitter dose of humility was shoved down my throat. With great confidence, I emailed photos of the accessories, shelves, and art arranged in the office to my boss with only the title "Client's office photo". I thought the image would speak for itself as to how capable I am! The reply message simply stated that the canvas pieces needed to be 3 inches apart, and that they are not large enough to carry the wall.

My heart sank. . . along with my stomach. How silly I felt! How utterly ridiculous! How naive! I blame my carelessness for sure. I immediately took responsibility for the mistake and told my boss that I would fix it when I voluntarily deliver the other accessories requested by the client. I readily admitted that I had screwed up.

I also felt a great sense of unfairness. I stayed on that end of town most of the day so I could help the client complete the installation around his schedule. I put myself in a completely unfamiliar place with people I had never met. I was paid nothing for this specific errand. My boss would have had to deliver them and miss a deadline for another project had I not agreed to run the errand. I did mess up, but I also did the other parts of the install correctly and with a smile. And I did not receive one single iota of thanks from my boss. Not one ounce of encouragement or appreciation.

I'm not looking for hand holding, but I have tried to explain to him that I am not a expert designer yet. I am not a project manager. I do not have years and years of experience. I am still learning and digesting and absorbing so much everyday that sometimes it does not all sink in. I cannot expect to do everything correctly the first time, and he cannot expect me to know everything. If he is not going to make the time to sit down with me and explain in detail how he wants things executed, then he cannot expect me to get everything exactly how he wants it on the first try or even sometimes the second and third tries. And if I continue to hear only criticism, I will lose confidence and question even the things I do well.

So, to put a band-aid on my deflated self-confidence, here are a few things I have done right this week:

1. Attended the NEWH 2nd Tuesday Event and met some new designers.
   
2. Switched seasons in my closet and purged a pile of clothes, shoes, and bags.
3. Updated a few areas of the NEWH website.
4. Gave my boyfriend a haircut.
5. Updated the look of my blog and added a few new gadgets to the sidebars.
6. Took my great grandmother out to lunch at Waffle House.

I'm SO ready for things to get better and to get better at things.